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Accounting Jokes
How do you drive an accountant crazy?
Stand in front of him and fold a road map wrong.

You might be an accountant if:
* You had no idea that GAP is a clothing store.
* You refer to your child as "deduction".

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimest, the glass is half empty.
To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

While standing near the dinosaur at the Natural History Museum, the accountant said to his neighbor:
"This dino is 2 billion years and 10 months old."
"Where did you get this information?"
"I was here 10 months ago and the guide told me it was 2 billion years old then"

How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Not filling out the guest comment card.

Old accountants never die,
they just lose their balance.

What do accountants do for fun?
Add the telephone book.

What is the definition of "accountant"?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

The Accountant's Prayer:
"Lord, help me be more relaxed about insignificant details, starting tomorrow at 10:53:16 am Eastern Daylight Saving Time."

Accountants carry their calculations to 2 decimal points to prove they have a sense of humor.

A fool and his money are soon audited.

If an accountant's wife can't get to sleep what does she say?
"Tell me about your day, dear".

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
-because they can wear casual clothes to work.

Budget: a very detailed means to show how you are living beyond your means.

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